i laid there
on my back
my head snug in it’s pillow
a couple of sheets
lay on my body
just above my waist
you laid next to me
on your side
with your back
just touching
my side
it was to hot to
wrap ourselves
around each other
and i looked at the ceiling
and imagined the sky
filled with stars
and it was endless
sometimes i wonder what’s it all about
then the toaster over bell rings
and it’s ready to eat
or i remember to pay a bill
and i pay it
or it’s trash night
and i take it out and put it on the curb
or my mom calls and
wants me to type up something for her
and so i type it and give it to her
but then there are all these other bits
in between the it’s i know
those are the ones
i just can’t place my finger on
it sometimes is just a mystery
sometimes it just is
a silence an emptiness
a stillness
as i lay my head back
i see the whispers of memories
invading my soul
as they always do
holding on to them
as they struggle to get free
like all things
they come and they go
i am sure
sooner then i think
they will be back again
between the last rays of light
and the dark of the night
when the sky is still
and colors paint the horizon
as it’s glow reflects off the ocean
the birds sing their song
and fly off into a new beginning
i will miss you
i remember a particular slumber party when i was a little girl
there we were in our sleeping bags
in the middle of the living room floor
9 year old girls in a group left to scare ourselves to sleep
the only light that illuminated the room by this time
was the soft blue street light that shown through the window
beyond the glass you could see the silhouette
of a tree and it’s branches
that stood before the house
we were intently listening as we
told of horror stories that of course
were to us 9 years olds
legend
like the one about ….
the high school couple
that go to the local park
to make out in his car
he has to go and piss he tells her
so she waits and she waits and she waits
then….. she starts to hear it
drip
drip
drip
on the car roof
we all listen
eyes wide open
biting our finger nails
for the shocking ending
knowing that this is our park and this is our legend
drip
drip
drip
she hears it again
slowly the girl gets out of the car and looks up
and tied to a branch is her boyfriends head
dangling and spinning and
dripping
drip
drip
drip
on to the roof of the car
we all start screaming
seven 9 year old girls
screaming with giddy fear
screams turn into laughter and we all giggle
at the sheer terror of our scary story
we feel the weight of our eyes with all the laughter
so giggles turn into lulling waves of dreams
between the giggles and the almost dreaming
we are all awaken by a noise outside the window
movement in the leaves
a twig break
a rattle right outside
we all raise up our heads with a gasp
and look towards the noise
a shadow of a man stands before the window
out lined by the blue light from behind
we are motionless
speechless
frozen in time
we turn to look at each other
to make sure that what we see is what we really see
there is a noise and the figure from the window disappears
an explosion of fear surges inside our bodies
we all scream and run to the closet room
we tell of this figure standing in front of the window looking in
a disconnected jumble of words from the mouths of excited 9 year olds
we are led back to the living room and are calmed back to sleep
we all know we saw something we all know it was real
but who are we we are a bunch of crazy little 9 year olds
relishing in our freedom of this slumber party
a few days later it had come out that the house across the street
on the night of the slumber had been broken into and robbed
i remember we all felt a sense of relief
at knowing we weren’t crazy
and we did see something
scary as it was
i will never forget this harmless little slumber party
i guess i love it so much
because it demands so much respect
as i stand at the edge of land and sea
i know that without emotion it can take me
carrie me in it’s arms to depths i can not see
i know that it will seduce me into it’s wet swells
and lull me into submission as i float upon it’s back
it will whisper in my ear that all is okay
and swept away by it’s beauty and vastness and charm
i will not notice how far i have drifted off to sea
and when i wake i will wake to a silent world
of loneliness and solitude
the sand below my feet will be to far for me to touch
and without the strength to find my way back
i will drown
the ocean is the greatest of all lovers
you will be passioned by it’s words
and you will drown you your desires
i started to laugh
but then i stopped
as i looked into her eyes
i saw the years of pain and frustration
of trying to make her life more then it was
and how everything is slowing down
and there is nothing to stop it
frustrated by wants and desires
frustrated that time shows no mercy
and is moving forward without
resistance
i reached out and held her hand
a hand that for so many years
when i was growing up
had held mine
she has great strength
but the cracks
are just now starting to show
and now i have to be the one
to hold her
and be strong
even though i have
my own doubts and fears
my own frustrations
time won’t wait for me either
tick
toc
tick
toc
simple easy
meandering
through the
haze that is seducing my mind
as it lingers
another line comes in behind
supporting the first
combining the melodies
overlapping and intertwining
weaving in and out
becoming one
sometimes tragic
consequence
derails its intention
lulling it into grey misty fog
then the line starts to push its way through
satiating the senses
engulfing the soul
making it weightless
against it all
it rises above
rises above it all
as i looked at him
he seemed to shrug off what i was saying
so i said it again
you will need to fix this
yeah i know he said somewhat cavalierly
no i’m being somewhat serious
i reiterated
he just smiled and said i know
okay i said
as long as you are aware
that i will not be available for you
he smiled again
yeah i’ll figure it out
alright i nodded
you do that and we’ll be cool
sometimes i wonder
if the words that leave my mouth
are actually in english
somethings you will never forget
it’s true
i bought a scooter a couple of years ago
i hadn’t ridden one in 10 years
i am down at the scooter store and they ask
wanna test drive it
i think to myself
shit i haven’t been on one of these things in 10 years
but okay i guess if i’m buying it i should probably ride it
i got on and just like that
it all came back
there i was on a scoot
not even mine
tempting fate as if i had never gotten off
i friend of mine asked
if i would take care of her horse
sure i use to ride
but that was 20 years ago
so i got on the horse and just like that
i was the cowgirl escaping the posse
and just like that i got bucked off
but i got back on again
there i was riding at a full gallop
my legs knew exactly how to keep me on
and i didn’t fall off again
i haven’t had a boyfriend in more years then i can remember
i met a man and he said wanna have a go at it
and just like that i got on
and knew exactly what to do and when to do it
how to say i love you and make him feel
something that shook him to the core
but of course
i completely fucked it up
i remembered how to do that too
there are things that you just remember how to do
even if you don’t think about it
that tactile response
the muscle memory
the subliminal want and desire
put your hands on the stirring wheel and let your self go
don’t worry and don’t try
it will just happen
and it will
bring a smile to your face